Self-approval is often overlooked in a world that places so much emphasis on external validation. From childhood, we are taught to seek praise, meet expectations, and fit into molds. But what happens when the applause quiets, or when we realize that the standards set for us do not align with our truth? That is when self-approval becomes essential. It is not about ignoring feedback or isolating yourself from others. It is about learning to stand grounded in your own worth, even when no one is watching.
What Is Self-Approval, Really?
Self-approval is the ability to recognize and affirm your own value, regardless of whether someone else acknowledges it. It is rooted in self-awareness and self-compassion, and it often develops through consistent practice. You begin to trust your decisions more, listen to your own needs, and quiet the noise that tells you that you need to do more or be more to be worthy.
Many people confuse self-approval with arrogance or indifference, but the two could not be further apart. Self-approval is gentle and steady. It says, “I know who I am, I see where I am growing, and I allow myself to be fully human.” It encourages us to pause and celebrate the small wins and to meet setbacks with kindness instead of criticism.
Why Self-Approval Matters
Without self-approval, we often operate from a place of self-doubt. We look to others to tell us we are doing okay. Over time, this dependency can chip away at our sense of self. On the other hand, cultivating self-approval builds resilience. It allows us to take risks, express ourselves authentically, and recover from failure with grace.
This mindset shift supports our personal growth journey, especially when combined with reflective practices. For example, using tools like the Discovering Personal Strengths Workbook, available on Etsy, can help highlight your unique qualities and encourage deeper self-understanding.
Signs You Might Be Struggling With Self-Approval
- You constantly second-guess your decisions
- You seek reassurance even after you have already made a choice
- You find it hard to accept compliments
- You compare yourself to others often
- You feel uncomfortable acknowledging your own progress
If any of these feel familiar, you are not alone. Many of us carry internalized stories that tell us we must be perfect to be accepted. The good news is, those stories can be rewritten.
Steps to Start Approving of Yourself More
1. Begin with Awareness
Start by noticing when your inner critic takes over. What triggers it? Is it a specific situation, a person, or a memory? Journaling can help you bring these patterns into the light. The Self-Esteem Bucket Workbook is a gentle resource to support this process. It invites you to reflect on what depletes and what fills your self-esteem bucket.
2. Speak Kindly to Yourself
Language matters. The words you speak to yourself shape your beliefs. Try shifting from “I messed up again” to “I am learning.” This simple shift softens the moment and opens the door for growth.
3. Practice Receiving
When someone offers you a compliment, take a breath and say thank you. Resist the urge to deflect or explain it away. Let it land. This strengthens your ability to receive and internalize validation without depending on it.
4. Reflect on What You Are Proud Of
Each week, list three things you did well. They do not need to be big. Maybe you made a hard decision, took a break when you needed one, or reached out to someone you trust. These moments are evidence of your strength.
You may enjoy reading The Mirror Within: Exploring Your Inner Dialogue, where we talk more about tuning in to your inner voice.
5. Set Boundaries That Honor Your Needs
Saying no can be a powerful act of self-approval. When you protect your energy and prioritize your well-being, you reinforce the message that you matter. Boundaries are not about pushing people away; they are about creating a space where you can thrive.
Making Self-Approval a Daily Practice
Like any other mindset, self-approval grows with practice. Here are a few ideas to weave it into your day:
- Start your morning with a grounding affirmation, such as “I am enough as I am”
- Keep a small wins journal to track moments of growth
- Choose one small act of kindness toward yourself each day
- Surround yourself with reminders of your worth — this could be quotes, objects, or even music
Over time, these small practices begin to change how you see yourself. You start moving from criticism to compassion, from doubt to trust.
Final Thoughts
Self-approval is not something we achieve once and check off a list. It is something we return to, again and again, as we grow and evolve. It asks us to slow down, notice how we speak to ourselves, and choose to be on our own side.
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